Location, location, location. So very true. While we may have a few years left yet before choosing the correct catchment area based on schooling, right now it’s fun to watch the walking the stereotypes lurking in each area. London also has a bizarre magical power for transporting an aimless wanderer from a rather nice, well to-do avenue to a you-better-run-for-your-life street. I’m sure no other city in the world has a looser ‘Good To Dodgy’ grid than the Big Smoke.
Please be upstanding for the raging London stereotypes, the try-hard, the hippie and the just plain ugly:
Angel: probably houses the most eclectic mix of Londoners it has truly ‘upped and comed’ and can provide for just about any individual, and the evidence to support such a statement? Its Supermarkets: it has an Iceland and a Waitrose. Thus bringing us onto…
The greater Islington area: home to our dear mayor, solicitors, bankers, students, and yummy mummys. To be honest it’s really quite similar to the Royal Borough except the toffs are interspersed with a few more talented tradesmen. Islington can be quite ‘boho chic’ and has lots of simply fabulous vintage clothing stores. A darling treat is ‘Screen on the Green’, an independent and intimate little cinema that’s particularly good ‘round the holidays as it shows old seasonal movies.Beware of some areas, don’t go too far East (see Hackney) and King’s Cross still holds proudly to its ‘lady of the night’ past. Cue awful jokes from your father about standing too close to red traffic lights. Guffaw guffaw.
Kensington and Chelsea: swarming with posh twats. See top left hand picture for a vague idea. (It’s OK for me to say that ‘cos I’m sort of halfway there, I used to live in Fulham you know.) If you live here, you’re likely to be called Hugo, Humphrey or Venetia and have a pretty sizeable trust fund. you’re also probably pretty bitter about ‘the Crisis’ as it’s limited your weekly blow-dry/tennis-lesson/ability to have an illicit affair. Some redeeming qualities: the V&A, Hyde Park and Stamford Bridge, though if you’re a Chelsea fan it merely adds insult to injury.
Edgware Road: if you live here you probably like a bit of hustle and bustle…and couldn’t afford Marble Arch or Oxford Street. ‘Little Cairo’ or ‘Little Beirut’ is famous for its varied and numerous ethnic food shops; Iranian comic, Omid Djalili described it as ‘after Damascus, Medina and Mecca, is probably the most Islamic place on the planet’ and consequently couldn’t get his head round the agenda of the July7th bombers.
Haringey: leave. Right now. Your council is appalling. You’ll probably have to pay council tax. Twice.
Hampstead: You probably prefer the quiet life and consider entering central London an unwelcome trek. Hampstead is a little village within London; all quaint cafes and neat shops and home of the Heath. Horse-y people live round these here parts and the yummy mummy reaches perilous heights.
Hackney: quite a diverse space, with one of the largest Turkish populations in London and really quite an anti-social distance from just about anything. parts of it are great for that ‘I’m gonna slice you quality’. I’m told though that some ares are quite charming and ‘really quite safe’ and is probably tipped as yet another up and coming area. I wouldn’t believe it.
Peckham: cash-flow problems? I don’t know many people who have the stomach for living here, what with the bars on the windows, so if you do dwell here you are either a bit mental or enjoy living with the taste of fear in your mouth.This joyous neighbourhood hasn’t really come very far from the days of Del Boy and Rodney. Apparently shattered glass on the floor (from the likes of car windows etc) is affectionately referred to as Peckham Diamonds.
Westminster: if you’re not a politician what are you doing here? Possibly the dullest place in London; nothing is open after 10pm as the area caters only for wandering, eager-eyed tourists and business professionals. Although it’s good to know that Robert Dyas is open as late as 7 on Thursdays.
Willesden Junction: to be honest I don’t really know that much about this locale but the one person I do know who lives there affectionately calls it ‘Willy J’, which is just too fabulous. and it has strong ties to Ireland apparently. Obviously the place to head for St Paddy’s Day then.
Notting Hill: its pretty mews, colourful houses and excellent shopping make it one of the most desired places to live by the riche, nouveau riche and Bohemians alike. Portobello Market is a London institution and the charity shops here can yield amazing treasures. Imperial have halls of residences here, lucky buggers.
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