Dear Aunt Beverly,
I have developed a rather inappropriate fondness for a few of my younger sister’s friends. My Mum and Dad had a ‘mid-life’ crisis so she is quite a bit younger than me; I’m 26, they’re 15. Is it so bad? I thought girls wanted a mature bloke?
Lascivious and Distracted, MSc student
Dear Child Predator,
Yes it really is that bad. The poor girls aren’t even legal yet. Not that has ever stopped a man before but still. I don’t think your sister would take too kindly to you ‘slipping one’ to her friends and think of the tension it could then cause between you and your sister. Are there no women your own age? Or have you scared them all off with your wildly inappropriate lustful fantasies? I suggest you take a long hard look in the mirror and get back to your extortionate studies. Or at least wait until they’re 16.
Dear Aunt Beverly,
I have been swindled into going to my girlfriend’s house for Christmas. I feel a bit odd about the whole thing anyway, we’ve only been going out for 2 years. But my family decamped to Australia and the bastards won’t pay my airfare. How will ever survive and is it wrong to expect sex in my in-laws house?
Jingle-Bell-I-Hope-I-Can-Still-Get-My-Rocks-Off, 3rd Year
Dear Scrooge’s Nympho Cousin,
Christmas is all about spending time at the heart of dysfunctional families. You have to enjoy it to survive it. It can be vastly entertaining and a way to remain cheerful in such a socially awkward situation. Look for the ‘Uncle Eddy’, the grossly perverted one; the ‘Grandma Kathleen’, the one who says fabulously inappropriate things about homosexuals; and of course the ‘Aunt Beverly’, the one you can ask anything of. As per your other wondering, I’d say it’s fine to want sex, just scope out the thickness of walls, other people’s bed times and the sturdiness of the bed that probably survived her childhood. And don’t do it under the tree, in the loo or in her parents’ bed.