stevehampson is angry about a phone

Introducing the iPhone, a smashing idea in concept with more technology than you can shake a stick at, but sadly it’s a load of bollocks.

Granted the silky smooth contours of any apple product are reason alone to invest such huge amounts in their overpriced goods. And what a class idea it is to combine the much-lauded iPod with a high-end smart phone: they even managed to jam a camera in somehow. If any company has claim to revolutionising consumer electronics, and draining my bank account at the same time, surely Apple wins hands down. However I can’t help but think that the iPhone is destined for the scrap heap along with every other all-in-one product, e.g. the Oakley MP3 player sunglasses or even the mobile phone wristwatch.

Many companies have tried to produce such a product, but have always failed to achieve the correct balance of phone and MP3 player. The Sony-Ericsson Walkman phones for example with their tasteless orange trim, small memory and miniscule screens. The iPhone on the other hand has no such shortcomings and is styled brilliantly with far superior features to any conceivable rival. But still you are left with a device, which has one-tenth the song capacity of an iPod, a phone with a battery life of 4/5 hours and finally a mobile computer with painfully slow Internet and a BlackBerryesque ability to read your emails where ever you are. I know for a fact that I don’t want to receive emails from my philosophy teacher when I’m out making a vodka-inspired tit of myself.

Another massive problem with the iPhone is that by the time you have paid £500 for it and been confined to a 2 year contract, your not going to want to take it beyond the safe confines of your room. So for all those hot sweaty nights, with drink flying everywhere (bloody Walkabout), you most certainly are not going to want an electronic brick worth more than its weight in gold in your pocket.

 For all of you Macaholics who are still are intent on wasting your student loan, may I offer you solace in the form of a printable cut-out of the iPhone. Go to http://www. .iphonecountdown. com/, print it off, stick it together and you have all the style of the device without the mammoth price tag, but sadly it’s absolutely useless.

No doubt the iPhone is an amazing device, but once you have been driven to insanity by its button less keypad, teased by its paltry battery life and dropped it on its sensitive touch screen. The inevitable event of having it stolen from you on the dingy streets of Southwark will bring such relief that you will be praising the day a mugger taught you that phones and iPods just don’t mix.