Firstly, Badminton deserved the award more than we did. That’s a fact and that’s undisputable.

However, it’s not just that. In my five years on the team, we won the award three times – never in consecutive seasons – and it would have been doubly unfair to receive Team Of The Year once more, as it would have left the diversity of the LSE sporting talent unacknowledged. On top of that, our on-court record this season hasn’t been as impressive as what we had accomplished over the past few years (we didn’t even win a national championship this time around, sorry). With really meager performances at Zoo Bar being totally outweighed by a continuous string of sporting excellence, however, the basketball 1sts have been the most dominant force in the LSE sports world from 2006 onwards, and that’s enough for us.

This season, the team exceeded every expectation and this year has been the most fun I have ever had playing basketball. Under-talented (for the first time in a long while none of our American kids had played varsity basketball) and undersized (with the exception of Michal Kiska and Ernest Brown, we don’t really look like stereotypical basketball players).  Nevertheless, we managed to keep our spot in Premier League – still the only team in school, as far as I know.

The dedication of the kids has been impressive. Dan Yirinec caught more elbows than many thought humanly possible, and always from bigger and (way) more athletic opponents. Domenico Fumagalli benched himself whenever he felt that he hadn’t been practicing well enough the previous week. Jon Tomashoff proved ready to lead us – at times almost single-handedly – to all the victories we needed in order to stay up.

But, of all people, Kevin Ho Yan Luk is probably the one who best embodies the attitude of the team and its commitment to hard work. Kev, being the youngest player on the team, has been at the receiving end of countless puns. He took them with great aplomb, never missed a practice session, and remained focused throughout the season. In the first few games, he missed the unmissable – free throws, wide-open lay-ups, pretty much anything. When he finally scored his first two points of the season against London Met a couple of weeks ago, everyone absolutely erupted. Nobody on the team has ever been loved as much as Kevin – despite our weird way of displaying that love – and we all learned a lot from him.

At this year’s AU Ball, we were called on stage to receive the Team Of The Year Award once again. We were all incredibly happy (although none of us really expected it to happen). When, seconds later, we were told that it was actually Badminton to have won and people started laughing at us, we really didn’t find that to be particularly amusing, but that might have been us being unable to understand some good-hearted banter (right?!?).

Just like every year, we attended the award ceremony and then left before the real AU Ball begun. We all went to Nando’s, despite Kazeem Afolabi’s desperate and reiterated requests to go to McDonald’s. All our lovely groupies were there. We had the best time. Team Of The Year or not.

Rafie Faruq: Has kept goal for the team excellently, and on the rare occasions that the defence makes an error, he is always there to sweep up efficiently. His handling of aerial balls despite his diminutive stature continues to impress.

High point: Point-blank wonder save in the very first game of the season against Heythrop College

Low point: Being lobbed directly from kick-off, or getting the completely wrong train and then a cab to the wrong sports ground in a calamitous bid to get to the St. Barts 4s match.

Yohei Tse: Yohei has filled in at several positions this season, and has managed to remain equally angry in all of them. Started out as right back but then moved to left back as he was the only person in the team able to kick the ball with both feet.

High point: Being thrust into centre back against St. Barts 4s with hardly any notice and still delivering a flawless performance in a 4-0 win.

Low point: Being absolutely roasted by the BPP left winger in a 6-3 mauling

Ali Kafil-Hussain: AKH is a conundrum in that he is the only player for whom weight and playing ability share a positive correlation. Since he emerged from the Christmas holidays with a fuller figure, his form has enjoyed a positive boost. Thrives off of the negative energy of haters. And cake.

High point: A last ditch sliding tackle that saved a certain goal, at a time when we had a precarious one goal lead, which proved to be the turning point in a 4-1 win.

Low point: His abysmal performance against St. Barts 3s, with Ali being directly responsible for 3 of the 4 opposition goals.

Stephen Bee: Stevie has absolutely epitomised what it means to be a team player. Coming into the 7s as a striker, he scored at a steady rate before being moving to right back when the team was down to bare bones. He has excelled there and nailed down the position as his own.

High point: Being reinvented as a swashbuckling full-back and becoming the best right back in the team within 2 games

Low point: Being dropped despite scoring 3 goals in 3 games

Matt Toms: Matt largely coasted through Michaelmas term with minimal criticism, but when some truth bombs were dropped in the end of term report, it was the catalyst the centre back needed to move his game to the next level. He has stopped hoofing it out of play and his improved passing and dribbling have really been noticeable to the team. His organisation this term has been pivotal to the set-up of our miserly defence.

High point: Dribbling out of defence, playing several one-twos before receiving the ball in the box and calmly slotting it home against St. Barts 4s

Low point: Conceding 2 penalties and condemning us to a draw against the lowly Imperial Medics

Sudev Joshi: One of the success stories of Lent term, the ladies’ man centre back was charged with the formidable task of filling Genti’s boots. He has slotted in with ease and has become one of the team’s standout performers. It is touching to see him dedicate every win to Celery.

High point: Put in a heroic performance against RSM away from home, and was one of the main reasons we managed to keep it down to just one goal

Low point: His handball that led to RSM’s goal at Berrylands and had us on the ropes for the last 15 or so minutes.

Ovie Faruq: The utility man of team has filled in at right back, left back and left wing and his versatility was massively useful to the team. Unfortunately retired from football to focus on cricket, weightlifting and maths.

High point: Scoring an outrageous chip against BPP

Low point: Retiring when the 7s were in the midst of an injury crisis

Laxman Regala: Mr. Consistent is one of two players (along with Matt Toms) not to miss a minute of football for the 7s this season. Has spent the last few months giving the left-backs of our league nightmares and has now added quality delivery alongside his trickery.

High point: Stunning solo goal against RVC away

Low point: Being bullied out of doing his favourite skill, THAT standard Lax flick/giving away a penalty against Heythrop

Hugo Irving: The only first year in the team, Hugo has brought a youthful enthusiasm to the team. Injury has unfortunately derailed his season but he will have 2 very big years ahead of him in the 7s.

High point: Smashing in a last gasp winner against RVC at home

Low point: Being marked out of the game by Kyle Yang at St. Georges

Justin Hart: When not professing his love for Tala, Justin can be found controlling the midfield. Has a silky smooth touch and is the most vocal player on the team which is helpful for all of us. Rumoured to have been playing LSE football since the days of Sidney Webb and the Fabians.

High point: Nutmegging literally every outfield player of numerous teams this season, including a backwards nutmeg that made the opponent exclaim “Jesus Christ!”

Low point: Despite playing the majority of games, still not coming even remotely close to finding the back of the net, lagging behind Matt T in the scoring charts.

Liam Singh: Liam’s good captaincy has coincided with the team’s upturn in form and no one will be more pleased with the side’s Lent term domination than the skipper. His quiet leadership and box-to-box style of play are massively important.

High point: Seeing his high-risk selections of Brett as a winger and Steve as a right back turn out to be masterstrokes

Low point: Spending his 21st birthday in Zoo bar, having drunk two of the worst dirty pints in existence

Joshun Sandhu: Quickest in the team on the ball, slowest by far off it. Joshun’s form briefly fell off a cliff but he recovered in a big way to become the team’s top scorer and assist-maker. The combination of his mumbling + his Brummie accent makes anything he says impossible to decipher.

High point: Hattrick against St. George’s which included a 30 yard banger

Low point: Captaining the team to an abysmal loss against the worst team in London, St. George’s

Kyle Yang: the General Course’s finest has been an absolutely incredible member of the team both on and off the pitch. We will all be saddened when his one-year loan deal comes to an end.

High point: Filling in at right back and winning man of the match

Low point: Picking up the ball on the edge of the St. George’s box, going backwards whilst dribbling past all of his own team and launching an attack for the opposition

Jenagan Ragunathan: Started well, but his infamous mid-season trip to Australia cost the striker dearly when he returned to find himself in the wilderness. Has now come back into the fold with some good performances

High point: A great goal and 2 assists in an all-action performance against St. Barts 4s

Low point: Being largely responsible for our pitiful loss against St. George’s with a woeful display of finishing

Ahmed Zbidi: Despite only playing 2 games for us, Ahmed makes this list because he is one of our best players, which is a sad indictment of the quality of football in the 7s. He has also pulled more girls in 3 nights out than the rest of the team combined has for the year, which is a sad indictment of the quality of lad in the 7s.

High point: Scoring twice on his debut before going on to pull at Zoo

Low point: continually leaving his computer unattended in the library, resulting in several comedy emails being sent

Brett Errol Lewis: Having been a very average striker at best, Brett was in the last chance saloon when he was shunted out to the left wing. Now the “Croydon C.Ronaldo” has become absolutely dynamite, and with 4 goals in his last 4 games, his goals/minute ratio is quite frankly ludicrous. Ginger Chris has been desperately trying to call him up to the 4s on the back of his recent performances.

High point: 4 goals in 4 games, including two finishes of the highest calibre against St. Barts 4s

Low point: 4 clear cut misses in the preceding 4 games, including an absolute shocker against Imperial 7s

Goal of the season: Joshun’s hopeful punt into the top corner against St. George’s

Miss of the season: Neil Patel from under the bar against RVC

Ringer of the Season: Noz for his world class performance against RSM at home (honourable mention to Danny Foy, Samil, Nathan, Thebes, Neil Patel)

Traitor of the Season: Genti Lamce for leaving us for the 6s, who now never win with him in the team. How d’you like them apples Lorijent? Would have had the goal of the season award sewn up if he had stayed.

Demotivator of the Season: Prem Sandhu for literally rebuking Ovie into retirement

WAG of the Season: Steph Gale, for not only taking our banter but giving it back when she’s on Lax’s email. Has poor Laxmanaro so under the thumb he’s called Steve Bee “Steph” on numerous occasions.

Embarrassment of the season: Losing to Heythrop despite the fact their centre midfielder had a cigarette during the warm-up, a spliff at half-time and another cigarette after the match.

Greatest moment: Djokovic v Nadal, Australian Open

For me, the greatest moment of the past several months of sport has to be the winning moment of Novak Djokovic’s sensational five-set victory over arch rival, Rafael Nadal, at the Australian Open.  The match lasted over five hours and unravelled well into the early hours of the Melbourne morning.  The intensity was incredible – shot after shot, twist after twist – by set five, we were no clearer to discovering a winner.  However, after Nadal threw everything including the kitchen sink at the Serb, the superhuman Djokovic came back for one more pulsating surge towards the finish line.  After sealing a win that appeared impossible at many junctures, ‘the joker’ celebrated in beastly fashion, ripping his shirt off and roaring at the crowd.  In my view, the final moments of the match encapsulated everything that is now synonymous with modern tennis: gladiatorial fighting spirit, dogged determination and an insatiable will to win from the top players.  Bravo, Novak – you provided us with a truly epic encounter.

Best team: Manchester City

It has to be said: this award was much more closely contested.  Nonetheless, in Manchester City, we see clear candidates that have absolutely shone in recent months.  Yes, Barcelona may be one of the greatest sides we have ever seen, but not based on this season.  They trail Real Madrid by ten points in La Liga and are arguably not the same team without main man, Lionel Messi.  Manchester United and Real Madrid provide tough competition, but City’s achievements have deemed them good enough for the award on merit.  The intricate passing movement involving David Silva, Sergio Aguero and Yaya Toure has taken the Premier League by storm.  Their ‘moneybags’ spending ethos has certainly seen an influx of world-class talent, giving City a squad depth beyond belief.  Though European success has eluded them thus far, City are only the new kids on the super-team block and a 6-1 win at Old Trafford more than cemented their status as one of the strongest sides in British and European football.

Biggest rising star: Judd Trump

For this award, I’ve chosen a less mainstream candidate.  Judd Trump, the new celebrity on the snooker tour, has proven himself to be a force to contend with.  Those of you that follow snooker will know that he took John Higgins all the way in last year’s World Championship Final and has won the UK Championships since.  But the Bristolian is not just a one-hit woner, maintaining a very consistent level throughout the year.  What sets Trump out from the rest of his competitors is his ability to play daring and unique shots – the foremost example of which is the ‘banana’, more like a football free-kick than a long pot.  The ‘Juddernaught’ is undeniably one of the biggest rising stars in snooker, and his immense talent puts him in the position of perhaps being the biggest rising star in UK sport.

Now that the serious awards are over, lets breeze over some titles of a lighter nature:

Worst Jose Mourinho impression: Andres Villas-Boas

Best Jose Mourinho impression: Jose Mourinho

Best Grand Slam winner who didn’t actually win a Grand Slam but may or may not probably win/come close to winning one in the future: Andy Murray.  Enough said.

World’s most patient football owner: Roman Abramovich.  The Russian oligarch waited all the way until March to sack manager, Andres Villas-Boas, the seventh manager to fall under his reign.  Pundits have queued up in their thousands to praise the billionaire for withstanding the antics of ‘the not so special one’ for more than half a year.

Safest driver: Lewis Hamilton.  The young driver reduced his amount of accidents by 1700% this year, managing to only crash his car 915 times in total.

Best tripod thrower: David Haye.  In preparation for this year’s World Tripod Throwing Championships, David Haye set a world record for the amount of yards a tripod has ever been thrown, hitting his own trainer, Adam Booth in the head in the process.  Booth praised his athlete’s dedication after he travelled all the way to Germany, instigated a mass brawl and generated heavy media interest all in the name of tripod throwing.

Best anger management counsellor: Dereck Chisora.  After losing three fights in a row, Chisora made the brave move into the world of anger management.  Academics within the field have praised his immediate impact, citing his method of ‘I’m gonna give him two slaps for that’ as the most effective calming tactic in recent times.

Finally…

Best pound for pound striking partnership: Fernando Torres and Andy Carroll.  After having £50 million and £35 million spent on them respectively, the strikers have since terrorised defences up and down the country, scoring a sensational total of EIGHT goals between them.  Statisticians have calculated that this amounts to £10 million per goal and when questioned on this, Chelsea owner, Roman Abramovich, was quoted as saying ‘…’ whilst Liverpool Chairman, Tom Werner, was quoted as saying ‘five home runs have been very impressive from Andy Carrol this season’.

And so… there we have it.  The Beaver and Beaver Sports with it are over until September.  Watch out for Let’s Talk Tactics in summer – it may hit the blogs – but for now, I’d like to express my sincere thanks to everyone who has read this column since it began.  It’s been an absolute pleasure to talk tactics at the LSE and I whole-heartedly hope that my writing has been enjoyable to read.  Au revoir, auf widersehen, dosvedanya – remember, let’s not talk rubbish, let’s talk tactics!

Fast-forward two decades and it’s a totally different story. I feel no excitement, no enthusiasm, and no desire at all to tune in to All-Star Weekend. The All-Star Game has devolved into a (what some sports commentators call) “an alley-oop fest” – part circus, part self-congratulatory display of machismo, and just a step up from street ball. I’d have to agree. Now that I’m older and wiser, I’ve started to see All-Star Weekend for what it really is, and what it started as in 1951: a PR stunt. Given that the Weekend is not taken seriously by most – if not all – players and fans over the age of 12, I started pondering: Why does it still exist?

From a fan’s perspective, the All-Star festivities draw some and alienate others. As you can tell, I am of the latter – I don’t want to watch a glorified pick-up game. Whatever happened to real basketball, the type where guys strategically moved up and down the court playing offense and defense? Taking this year’s All-Star Game as an example of recent trends, it’s fair to say the only basketball played was in the last four minutes. The Game has always had a showboating aspect to it, but since the late 80’s, the quality of play has deteriorated year by year. I dare anyone to watch the 1987 game with icons like Dr. J, Jordan, Olajuwon and Bird, and tell me with a straight face this year was better. It’s not just the big names, it’s the hustle they exhibited from the very first quarter that stands out.

Naturally, I concede that, for every person like me who ignores the Weekend, there’s a fan who loves the show. I’d hazard a guess many are pre-pubescent and outside the U.S. This is because one: after the opening tip of the All-Star Game, all you can hear in the arena are crickets chirping and kids cheering. Two: this year’s All-Star Weekend was broadcast to 215 countries and territories in 45 languages. There were also 41 million followers on social media in China and more than 336 journalists from 39 countries in Orlando to cover the events. That’s a lot of international love.

There are American fans, too. Together with the international supporters, they generated 2.5 million comments and mentions about the Weekend via social media, about three times the amount from last year. More than 2.7 million viewers watched the BBVA Rising Stars Challenge, the biggest audience in the history of the event. And don’t forget the five million votes cast for the Sprite Slam Dunk Contest, a 15% increase from 2011. For all intensive purposes, the three-day event was a financial and marketing success.

Here we start to understand why the All-Star Weekend still exists. The NBA is a business, and all these eyeballs mean more money.  For those who suspected it all along, here are some figures to support your hunch: Last year’s All-Star Game netted Turner Sports, the US TV network that airs All-Star Weekend, nearly $37 million in advertising.

According to Micronomics, an economics research and consulting firm in the US, the 2011 Weekend was estimated to bring $85 million in economic activity for host city, Los Angeles. Losing the Weekend is equally significant. Had the lockout remained this year, Orlando was forecast to lose somewhere between $50 to $92 million due to the cancellation.

And of course, there are the sponsorships. A review of event names for All-Star Weekend quickly reveals a list with more brands than a Texan cattle ranch: The BBVA Rising Stars Challenge, All-Star Saturday Night presented by State Farm, the Haier Shooting Stars, the Taco Bell Skills Challenge, the Foot Locker Three-point Contest, and the Sprite Slam Dunk Contest. Clearly, the name of the game is money.

So, let’s recap. This somewhat cynical model shows All-Star Weekend generates major profits from advertising and broadcasting, and increased revenues for the host city. It’s also a great way for the league to court sponsors and drum up brand awareness among youngsters and fans overseas, all of which lead to increased revenue in the future. But there is an upside. The All-Star Weekend, despite all the antipathy I feel towards it, serves another, real purpose: giving the players a break. And, in a condensed season with guys grinding out 40 minutes a night three or four times a week, it’s a well-deserved break. Thus, the silver lining from the Weekend is the chance for players to get some rest, spend time with their loved ones, and gear up for the second half.

Therefore, even though the All-Star Weekend is no longer an awe-inspiring three days for me, for the league, it’s a moneymaking venture to pay all those alley-ooping stars and build brand awareness. For some fans, it’s a chance to participate in the NBA via social media, dunk contest votes, and All-Star selection. And for the players, it’s a much-welcomed break. So, even though I think the Weekend is basketball junk, I’ll call it by another name: a necessary evil.

Let’s be honest, we all expected that outcome. It’s reasons like this that justify why only the AU should vote for the President. But more on that later – with a blow-by-blow account (no pun intended).

As the pinnacle of the AU’s social events arrived upon us, ugly girls and dogged men could hide behind elaborate masks, thoroughly increasing their chances of pulling. Credit must go to the current AU Exec for organising a splendid evening – with great pork, but too little wine. It’s ok though, because there was an amazing photo-booth to make up for that. So strict was the security, however, that even the Badminton table was silenced 4 times by the bouncers.

Hockey girls decided to be thieves and try and steal wine from other tables, after their red-headed captain threw a thorough fit over the wine sitch; one 6th team member decided to promote herself to the Exec table, before being unceremoniously told to “fuck off”; Hobo Hobbs passed out in a park, missing the whole meal, until the tramp police moved him on (to Zoo Bar); most of the rugby thirds were also found passed out, but on their tables, whilst the other rugby table was removed from the room for not being able to behave themselves.

On the way to Zoo, it seems a special game of “what the fuck” was played. In a cab with 4 guys and 1 girl, it was decided that the sacrifice would no longer be drinks, but rather a cheeky pull. I can confirm that the lone girl, who came up with a strong Gale from Devon, only landed one pull. However, Lush Sam, YourCock, Queef and yours truly, all exchanged intimate moments, with the passionate pull between Lush and YourCock lasting significantly longer – with tongue.

Too Many Men didn’t pull – surprisingly. The Pooleboy/McDonald’s bitch-boy officially sealed the deal and did the dirty with Mateer’s sidekick – and she clearly didn’t want to travel far, as the two did the unthinkable and actually went back to halls, rather than to her flat. Classy indeeeeed. A big-breasted swimmer/5th team netballer, not unlike Hey Aurthur, pulled the tallest member of the Men’s rowing team, who apparently only has two consonants for a surname.

YourCock tried to redeem himself following his success with only men, and attempted to woo one flame-headed Virgin from women’s hockey. Several facepalms later, and the poor guy was still, unsurprisingly, unsuccessful. The Sunny bombshell from Tennis makes a reappearance this week as she decided to move on to rugby second teamer Chillingworth, though apparently, he still wasn’t quite good enough for her tastes. And the Sherminator was also overheard making frantic phonecalls to check that his place would be empty for the night, obviously expecting to score with Oddity. Whether or not this happened cannot be confirmed, though seems highly unlikely.

This week, last but by no means least, your new leader Sister Meateateer decided to have her very own coronation at Zoo Bar. Despite a fairly sober AU Ball, she rapidly declined as the alcohol began to flow, and we have confirmed reports that she did indeed chunder down her front whilst taking a dump, before deciding to pass out – she was eventually moved to the time-out kitchen area. What a way to welcome in your new reign as Pres, eh?

A selection of the year’s highlights and lowlights, must include the elaborate rollercoaster ride that Keith conducted; Biggles for her general tour this year; YourCock’s superb ability, punching well above his weight and scoring an incredible number of times with the simple words “pint of wine for the lady”; SammySam’s LOLOCRASH; Too many men; Cocktease remaining a cocktease, all this time; Malibu’s use of a discount voucher for a date; Dodd’s dick; Moffat’s knockers; THE EMERGENCE OF THE CREEPER; Action Street; Pooleboy/McDonald’s bitch-boy’s general tour; Captain Mateer’s violent destruction of YourCock and his housemates; the hoover manoeuvre; my birthday; and hockey girls’ anal penetration stories.

Thanks for a year of entertaining stories and all that jazz; to all those who moaned – fuck off and don’t be so slutty. To all those who look down upon the AU for these stories, cheer up and live a little.  It’s been fun, but I’m definitely over this column. As Rebecca from Geordie Shore stated, “I would rather take a shit in my hands and clap” than do this again. PEACE MOTHERFUCKERS!

A number of factors have contributed to the relative decline of the 4-4-2, most notably a general tactical shift in the modern game to a more possession based game revolving around ball retention. This means that technical sides usually opt for a three man midfield, with a 4-3-3 or 4-5-1 probably being the most popular formations employed by sides nowadays. The reason for this is that a two man midfield simply cannot dominate effectively against a midfield three. The midfield three would, in theory, dominate possession, as Arsenal’s midfield three did against Parker and Modric in the recent North London derby. If one midfielder of the two breaks forward, it tends to leave huge gaps in behind, which means many sides like Chelsea or Liverpool opt to play a specialist holding player.

Further to this, the use of aggressive full-backs means that the wide men in the 4-4-2 can prove even more redundant. Overlapping full-backs such as Ashley Cole or Bacary Sagna now provide much of the attacking width for sides.  An example of this was seen by Sagna’s quality cross into the box for RVP to score the equalizer versus Liverpool.

Tactical shifts to the 4-3-3 have been the main reason for the 4-4-2 going out of fashion. As stated, sides struggle to win midfield battles in a 4-4-2, especially if they’re operating against a three man midfield. As well as this, the movement and trend to play in a way that retains possession has led to a decline in the use of out and out wide-men. Ryan Giggs is a good example, who would have formally played in a 4-4-2. The 4-3-3 sees more inverted forwards or attacking midfielders playing out wide and cutting inside, which makes wingers in a 4-4-2 particularly unimportant.

With games now being much more fluid, the transitions from attack to defence are much quicker and playing in a 4-4-2 can leave a side too rigid to quickly counter-attack or shift the play. With the lines now blurred due to holding midfielders and second strikers, the 4-4-2 doesn’t really fit anymore.

The counter-attacking tactics employed by many sides are also much more effective in a 4-5-1, as sides can sit back and shift quickly into a more attacking formation when they receive the ball by turning into a 4-3-3. The 4-4-2 provides less scope for transitions during games other than from perhaps to a 4-4-1-1.

The most obvious tactical significance is the death of strike partnerships. As stated, it is rare for sides to opt for a real front two, which has meant that sides usually have a forward with an AMC in behind. This is one of the factors behind Spurs’ loss against Arsenal at the weekend, the use of two out and out strikers in Saha and Adebayor, whilst initially paying dividends as Spurs went 2-0 up contributed to the side’s defeat.

Sides do one of two things: they either opt for an AMC, or a DMC with two central midfielders in front. The clearest example of this can be seen by Arsenal and Chelsea in the 2003-2006 period. Arsenal would use Bergkamp in behind Henry as something like an AMC whilst Chelsea used their three man midfield with Makelele as a shield in front of the back four.

Playing against a three man midfield from Arsenal meant Spurs’ midfield was over ran by Song, Arteta and Rosicky, who controlled the pace of the game and used the extra man to great effect. Usually, we see Spurs opt for a 4-4-1-1 with Van Der Vaart playing in behind a forward. This means he can fill into the midfield, making it a 4-5-1 if defending. Instead of this, Song was allowed to pick up possession as the he was relatively unchallenged in the DMC position, as the two forwards were not regularly closing him down as an AMC would have done, in theory.  In clashes between Chelsea and Arsenal in the aforementioned period, we often saw Bergkamp sit on Makelele to prevent him being able to start opposition attacks or have the ball played out short to him by defenders.

The death of the strike partnership is thus a clear legacy of the decline of the 4-4-2. Once sides would pick the same front pairing to work in tandem e.g. Heskey and Owen at Liverpool or Cole and Yorke at United, who played to great effect during the 90s. One other reason for this decline is the greater emphasis placed on squad rotation, which means pairing the same players together week in week out is a lot less desirable. Generally speaking though, with the movement away from 4-4-2, we have seen the lone striker become much more prominent in the Premier League; Drogba for Chelsea, Torres at Liverpool or Van Persie at Arsenal are fine examples.

Even United don’t play an orthodox 4-4-2. One of the many bonuses about having Wayne Rooney in their side is that, in big games, he can operate as a lone striker in a 4-5-1/4-3-3. Yet also, in games where Ferguson pairs him with Welbeck, he has the quality to sit in behind in a 4-4-1-1, rather than playing right up top with him. Rooney will come deep to become involved in midfield play and contribute to build up play whilst Welbeck can look to run in behind. Rooney’s involvement is evidenced by the 50 passes per game he plays on average, double that of Robin Van Persie. The use of Rooney in this role can even shift United into a 4-5-1, with Rooney dropping right back into the midfield, as we have seen him do on occasion this season.

There are actually seven sides in the Premier League currently who enjoy over 55% possession on average per game, none of whom use a traditional 4-4-2. Liverpool have arguably done so in recent years, but even when pairing Carroll with one of Suarez and Bellamy, the latter will always play in behind and Bellamy may drift off the flanks, rather than occupying similar ground to Carroll. As well as this, with Lucas in the side, it almost turns into a 4-1-3-2 or a 4-1-3-1-1, rather than the conventional two lines of four and a front two that we have seen in the past.

With tactical shifts, it’s fair to say that very few top teams play an orthodox 4-4-2 in the way sides once did. The days of Man United playing with the potent strike partnership of Dwight Yorke and Andy Cole are well and truly over and this is one of the most obvious legacies of the decline of the 4-4-2: the decline of the strike partnership. Further to this, we have seen England shift away from their traditional 4-4-2 of late. Of course, it remains to be seen what formation England will play at the Euros but a 4-3-3, as they played in the 1-0 victory over Spain would likely give them more chance of victory in June.

Once upon a time, a powerhouse Chelsea side containing an on-song Didier Drogba, warrior-like Frank Lampard and world-beating Peter Cech would have arrived in Italy holding no fear – regardless of the opposition.  Napoli who?   We’d ask.  Sixth in Serie A?  They will be no match for an Abramovich funded Chelsea team who have won multiple Premier League titles and were a John Terry slip away from lifting the Champions League trophy in 2008… We’d say.  But now, we’re better advised to look at the likes of Edinson Cavani, Marek Hamsik and Ezequiel Lavezzi and murmur: ‘Chelsea’s back four is in serious danger’.

And, sadly, it’s not just Chelsea.  In 2008, Arsenal travelled to the San Siro and produced a famous 2-0 victory over AC Milan.  This time around, they were rather ingloriously thumped, 4-0, barely being allowed to string together more than a handful of meaningful passes.  Our top teams, Manchester United and Manchester City, have astoundingly found themselves knocked out of the Champions League this season, as early as the group stages.  Meanwhile, Tottenham Hotspur’s only Champions League run in recent history was dismantled with considerable ease by a Jose Mourinho-led Real Madrid side in last year’s quarter-finals.  A gap is forming between how good our English sides are and how good we think they are – a gap that is increasing with every kick of every ball.

Liverpool, the most successful English team in European competition, are not even in Europe this season.  It was Napoli who knocked them out of the Europa League last year, and look how far the Italian side have come since.  Napoli epitomise a rise in quality of all that reigns from Central Europe.  Whilst ardent Premier League loyalists will vocalise the classic argument that two good teams don’t constitute a strong division (referring to Barcelona and Real Madrid in Spain), one must not overlook the teams that are omitted from back-page publicity.  Can we honestly say that our teams will have a smooth ride against other La Liga teams or the likes of Inter Milan, Roma, Bayern Munich, Borussia Dortmund, Bayer Leverkusen and Juventus?  We’ve certainly proven that the likes of AC Milan and Napoli, with their recent resurgence, are beyond us.

We have now reached the stage where anyone still affirming that the Premier League is the best in the world is simply hiding behind the sofa, whilst the European clubs are left to dominate the rest of the living room.  Italy’s best sides will fancy their chances against any English opposition, whilst pigs will fly before Real Madrid or Barcelona are beaten by a Premier League side.  Last week’s Europa League action summed up the best of British prospects: United laboured to overcome Ajax, whilst City comfortably disposed Porto.  This is the kind of opposition we will always be above, but it may soon become the area to which our air of superiority is limited.

Of course, one often refers to the level of competition in the Premier League as its unique selling point, something that is arguably un-replicated elsewhere.  The EPL is the most entertaining league in the world, it is claimed, and this is why it is head and shoulders above the rest.  But does competitiveness really equate to quality?  Take the Brazilian league, for instance; only 18 points separated champions, Corinithians, from 10th place, Santos last season, compared to a current gap of 27 points between Everton and league leaders, Manchester City.  Does this mean that, as the Brazilian league is statistically more competitive than the Premier League, it is better?  No.  Such a suggestion is absurd at best.

Yet, similarly absurd is the assertion that, because a team like Wigan can hold Chelsea or Arsenal to a draw, the Premier League should be lauded for its unpredictability and excitement.  In La Liga, Real Madrid spend most games coming from behind to grind out hard-earned victories against fluent Spanish sides who whole-heartedly commit to getting a result.  Far from parking the bus, sides such as Levante, Osasuna (who beat Barcelona recently) contribute to a highly competitive environment.  Besides, the real explanation for the entertainment value of the EPL is, quite simply, the poor collective standard of our defending.  How this lack of defensive quality can make our league the best in the world is a theory that leaves me rather puzzled.

In the end, we must accept things as they really are, much akin to the colonialists who had to accept the end of the British Empire and grant Indian independence.  Last year, Spurs overcame AC Milan and Manchester United reached the Champions League final, but these accomplishments came as loose cannons at the end of a tether.  This season’s catastrophic showing abroad by Premier League teams has made the situation clear for all to see.  The Italians are strengthening – and in numbers; their sixth-placed side is now more than a match for our fifth-placed side.  Meanwhile, the Spaniards are leading the way; yes, it might just be Barcelona and Real Madrid for now, but soon others will emerge.

As for our clubs, we should take stock – we are no longer the bastions of footballing success we once were.  Our results show that we are second-best to Spain and arguably a few yards short of Italy.  Perhaps Tottenham and Manchester City will provide hope, and next season could well provide a different story.  But if you still think the Premier League is the best league in the world, wake up and smell the coffee – it’s been there for some time.

The retirement of Gary Neville has led to a problem for England in the right back position. Whilst Capello was in charge of England, Micah Richards was constantly overlooked, leading to angry reactions over his Twitter account; Glen Johnson seemed the preferred choice, as well as Kyle Walker, who was recently capped. Now that Capello has resigned, every position is far more up for grabs than previously and Richards has a fresh chance to state his case after experiencing a strong season so far.

A statistical comparison of Richards and his two main rivals says a lot for Richard’s case; Richards wins 2.1 aerial duels per game on average, compared to Johnson (1) and Walker (0.8).  However, Richards makes less interceptions per game on average (1.3), as well as winning less tackles per game than Walker, but more than Johnson.

The defensive stats reveal that all three players are, on the face of it, relatively tight. Man City have conceded fewer goals than both Liverpool and Spurs, but that may be down to other factors such as the teams tactical ethos and other defenders. The reason Richards may edge it here is due to his greater athleticism and dominance in the air, which is crucial in the modern game, especially as teams so often switch the play from left to right to exploit full-backs who are not aerially proficient. Johnson, who was previously thought of by some pundits as defensively unreliable, has certainly improved this side of his game this season as Liverpool have conceded just 23 goals, only four fewer than Man City. Walker, too, should not be overlooked as the high numbers of tackles and interceptions he makes arguably points to him being the strongest defensively, at least in the statistical sense; though, this can be slightly misleading.

From an attacking perspective, Micah Richards leads the way convincingly, with five assists so far this season and one goal.  Compare this to Walker (one of each) and Johnson (one goal and no assists) and the case for Richard’s inclusion in the England squad ahead of them is further strengthened. One would probably have expected Walker and Johnson to have provided more assists due to the fact that both are more traditional attacking full-backs who are comfortable on the ball and like to attempt to play crosses into the box. This is surprising as Johnson and Walker are probably technically better than the more powerful Richards.

Tactically, the right backs all slightly differ in style. Micah Richards is probably the most complete player out of the three, with the best balance of attacking and defensive qualities. Richards is physically strong and very quick, which makes him an effective defender in one on one situations, as well as being more tactically astute than the other players; conversely, Walker and Johnson at times find themselves out of position in defensive situations.

Furthermore, from both attacking and defensive set-pieces, Richards represents much more of a goal threat as well as superior marking ability due to his aerial quality and positional awareness; his superiority over his rivals in this department is helped by his experience as a centre-back for City. The differences mean that an opposition winger would probably fancy their luck more against Johnson or Walker, due to their willingness to get forward and arguably their lapses in defensive play. Walker, for example, struggled when he came up against Ashley Cole earlier this season due to his expansive full-back play and, rather than pressing Cole back, he often found himself on the back foot. The fact that Richards is more solid in his approach is an important factor, considering that some of Europe’s top sides not only possess power and pace but also quality attacking full-backs, as well as aggressive wingers.

Johnson is known for his attacking exploits but, with his experience for England, he has shown that he is not good enough at defending at the top level; this could certainly count against him, although as noted he has improved his defensive game. Walker has enjoyed a fine season so far, but his inexperience may count against him; however, the possibility of Harry Redknapp taking over for England means a place in the squad for Walker is looking increasingly likely.

For Richards, the fact that he still starts for City is testament to his quality in an era where many of the clubs home grown players (the likes of Michael Johnson or Nedum Onuoha) have been moved on. With his tactical discipline and defensive qualities, as well as his productivity in the final third, he should certainly be in the squad for Euro 2012.

Giovanni Graglia: The LSE will rename Columbia House the “Gio Building” to honour the captain’s irrationally prolonged career (5 years and counting). Gio (or Mr. G, or Professor Giovanni, or just “Sir” as his students have called him during the year) gets pumped up before games by marking essays and by teaching at 9am on Wednesdays.

Kazeem Afolabi: Just like with Raymond, Everybody Loves Kazeem (including his mom, who deserves a shout out for being the only parent to be seen at one of our games so far!). And because everyone loves him so much, Kazeem is forgiven for his turnovers and for the appalling inappropriateness of some of his backhanded compliments.

Piero Leporelli: Like the tooth fairy, Piero quietly comes to practice when his class schedule and his girlfriend in Rome allow (and, clearly, whenever Kev loses one of his baby teeth). Not having ever complained about tube routes, kit sizes, practice times, or improbable accents, Piero is undoubtedly captain Gio’s favourite.

Kevin Ho Yan Luk: The first ever member of the Basketball 1sts from mainland China, Kevin is the rookie everybody loves picking upon (and the crowd erupted as he scored his first two points this Wednesday). He’s been so good at dealing with good-hearted mockery that he has been granted “rookie status” for the next two years.

Dan Yirinec: Winner of the Jekyll/Hyde award, Dan is the loveliest teammate during the day, but at night turns into a wild animal ready to pick fights with up to four bouncers at a time. When fighting, however, he requests not to be hit on his “pretty face” in order to keep his job as an Hollister model.

Andrew Engvall: Andy has contributed greatly to the team’s success thanks to his exceptional athleticism. Our best all-around player, Andrew has the capacity to cover three different positions and to forget plays with impressive consistency. Currently, Andy is trying to find a new soulmate for his Zachless life next year. Lovely Cait will surely do.

Ernest Brown: The Flying Blackman can jump on top of the backboard and then salsa dance on it. His existence gravitates around LSE basketball, as testified by his e-mail before the first practice of 2012, when he stated “my life has meaning again”, and by the fact that he shares a room with Szabi, captain of the 3rds.

Jon Tomashoff: Jon, famous worldwide for trying to start a basketball practice wearing gloves, is the irreplaceable point-guard of “Team America” and our top scorer. Despite his adorable (and almost teddy-bearesque) appearance, Jon is a lean mean three-pointer machine with a  penchant for disagreeing with our own home refs.

Domenico Fumagalli: The crowd’s favourite, Dome is the most eclectic player the Basketball 1sts have ever had. He’ll cross you over. He’ll drain a three on you. Then he’ll try crossing you over again just to go flying and crashing into the stands, leaving behind only his silhouette as if he was a modern-day Wile E. Coyote

Julian Ritter: The best-dressed teammate (an award received because he’s been the only one never seen wearing a tracksuit on campus), Julian is our do-it-all man from the bench. Every week, Julian has to destroy the hearts of the girls that see him at A&F by telling them that he only has eyes for Ava.

Michal Kiska: The only teammate to really look like a basketball player, Michal – already a Beaver in 2009-2010 – was the come-back story of the year. The entire team loves his girlfriend and, now that permanence in Premier League next year has been ensured, she is welcome to attend our games again.

Andrew Ben Salem: Andrew is not just a pretty face, he’s a beast. Stopping him when he’s running with the ball is potentially impossible (and trying to do that is SURELY really dumb). Andrew’s aggressiveness makes him absolutely indispensable, despite the fact that his elbows have often – inadvertently! – knocked out opponents and teammates alike.

Zach Robinow: (or Ricky, as the kid likes to be called): Zach is enjoying more – and very well-deserved – playing time in this second half of the season, surely benefitting from a break in his action-packed European tour. A very basic knowledge of Spanish allows Robinow to claim that he can understand Italian just fine. That’s a lie.

So after surprisingly decent chat and a fractured tailbone or two (caused by the deathtrap that is the Quad’s stairs), people stumbled, rolled and cabbed it to our home away from home. The night was one to remember, with candidates remembering that they were being judged, not just by the AU, but by the whole of the student body in some cases; and with that, it seems we can leave out some regular stars of this column – be sure to check back next week though!

Onto the action now, and it seems one women’s rugby fresher decided to get Low Low Low on more than just one man, despite the absence of Flo Rida’s song necessitating these actions. Despite apparently being “involved” (damn these awkward/grey relationship labels) with the Pinnockle of second year rugby, she instead went for a little swim in the fresher Rugby Poole, whilst also managing to “tash on” with the 3rd team FC captain. Busy Wednesday night for you then love?

Rowing also made sure they were noticed this week, with D*nn*s the Menace seen all-but shagging one massive-knockered lass. Sporting what I’d estimate to be a healthy pair of F’s, our horny lady was seen straddling the man who couldn’t quite believe his luck. The pair decided to try out a plethora of positions on the Zoo bar sofas, it’s rumoured that she even decided to put her assets on display (albeit with her bra just barely containing them) for the world to see (or at least, snap a pic of). Classy.

First team Netball captain also decided to get down and dirty, much to the amusement of much of the FC. As she publicly necked on with an FC comrade outside the tuns, the pair collected a gaggle of onlookers, no doubt fixated by the closest thing they’ll ever come to a sexual encounter.

Lastly, it seems more than one girl was desperate for a swim in the aforementioned Poole, as second team sidekick to Captain Mateer, Flo Blohnston also locked lips with the sexual predator fresher. Seemingly making the most of his newfound freedom from his evidently deep, meaningful relationship, the lad not only decided to try different girls throughout the night, but sources confirm that he was indeed calling from the bedroom of Flo first thing the following morning. Someone’s gonna have a massive Tour in Croatia.

I’ve warned you before, and I’ll warn you again – no fighting in Zoo Bar. One poor FC fresher had to be restrained for the best part of half an hour as he attempted to wrestle free to apparently take on the largest people in Rugby. A word to the wise, when you’re half the size of the smallest guy you want to take on, think again, especially when he’s got 6 larger companions. Bless your naivety child.

Two final points kids: I’m retiring as of week 10, so I’m looking for replacements to take over the reins of this hallowed column next year. So if you think you have what it takes to survive Wednesday and name and shame your mates, email in to the Sports Editors; it’s also Fight Night this week so get your tickets and make sure you’re there for the most epic event so far this term. Someone may die, someone may not. Either way, BE THERE. Peace.